In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ladies don't puke and tell
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
