A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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