it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
