I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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