you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
