He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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