Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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