i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
