do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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