Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize