i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize