Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
