My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you win again, gameday.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
