I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
