you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
