i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
