That's when you crack a 10am beer
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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