I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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