And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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