was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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