ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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