so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
