I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
