You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
