I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
