My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
