do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
