you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize