I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
