just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
