I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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