I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
