Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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