A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
