Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize