Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't deserve a penis
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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