Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
