Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
