I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
