nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
