after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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