you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
