somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
