All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
