i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Farmville is her only friend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
