It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
