My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
