she was so not down for the gang bang
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
