He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
