Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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