eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
