I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
