ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
