I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
did i just pee glitter
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
