My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
