..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
