I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
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all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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