Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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