dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
