I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
