last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
