I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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