This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
