can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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