i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
