mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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