I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
